What if this is as good as it gets?

So a few weeks ago Joseph had an overnight visit. I was anxious I'm not going to lie. The last time I had Joseph with us unsupervised max and I were locked in a bathroom with him beating the door as I called the police. However I set out trying to be as positive as I could. It's not as though there was any "big" incident that caused my disrepair it's just as though nothing had changed. The tension was palpable. It's hard for those who haven't lived with Joseph can understand but I will try to explain.

In a typical household there is inevitably push back from children when asked to do tasks. With Joseph when you ask something as simple as please pick up the blanket from the floor the response is "no" and his body tenses as he glares at you almost daring you to push the subject. Its difficult because the parent in me wants to have him do what he is told to do but the other part of me knows the danger that everyone can be in if he is pushed. This situation is nothing different than how he was prior to going into treatment. Do you parent your child and pray he doesn't go ballistic or do you let him call the shots and in turn not parent him?

How? How could we be three years into all of this and almost a year at this facility and have made no progress?! What if this is as good as it will get? What if this is life until he is 18 and an adult? This can't be my life or his. I prayed that the following visits would go better but this left me deeply discouraged.