It was just supposed to be a dentist appointment

So Joseph had a dentist appointment today which I wanted to go to because he has some serious issues with plaque etc that I want to address. I went up to the facility and everything was fine, I rode along to the appointment since it was 45 minutes away. It was Joseph, myself and a staff member who works with Joseph regularly.
Joseph had a little issue at the dentist so I stepped out to the waiting room and the staff were able to get Joseph to calm down and finish his exam. However when he was done he left the office before the staff from the facility was ready to go. I told Joseph to wait but he went ahead anyway visibly agitated for some reason unknown.
We got into the vehicle and started to head back to the facility when Joseph began acting up, throwing things at me and at one point he grabbed the seat belt of the staff member driving trying to choke him. the staff tried to redirect Joseph but the efforts were futile. We pulled over to a gas station to try and get the situation under control.
The next bit is simply flashes of what I can remember from the chaos that ensued. Joseph got out of the van and went immediately for anything he could get his hands on. The staff member was trying to control the situation but they are limited on what they can do. Joseph was throwing rocks and anything he could his hands on at the staff. I moved to get out of the way and Joseph grabbed a clipboard ran after me and hit me with it in the arm as I tried to shield myself. I went into the gas station hoping to prevent further chaos but Joseph followed. He picked up and apple from the stand and from a foot away threw it at me striking me on the left side of my face, the apple burst and people just looked on horrified at what they were seeing. He went back outside and continued to throw things, even opening a package of water bottles displayed in front of the store. I felt trapped, if I went out of the store everyone and everything was a target but it was the same  in the store. There was no where to go but wait for the police to arrive.
People walking in and out of the store stared asking "what is wrong with the boy?"  what can you say to that?
After what seemed like an eternity the police showed up. five cars in all as we are quickly trying to explain the situation Joseph runs. It took several minutes of them chasing on foot and in cars before he circled back around to the gas station where a officer was able to get a hold of him. Joseph was fighting it so they placed him in hand cuffs and put him in the back of the car.
The officers gathered to try and understand what was going on and all I could do is stand there as if I was watching a movie. I snapped back to reality when the officers asked me to fill out a statement. One very kind detective had me sit in his car. It took every ounce of my being to concentrate on what I was writing. Each word was difficult to form. After some time I manged to had over a piece of paper that looked like chicken scratch. The officers stated at that time they were going to take him down to the station till they heard from the judge. The staff and I fallowed.
We arrived at the station and one officer called the judge. Given that Joseph is 11, he is already in a facility and is already in CSB custody they determined to release him back to the facility and forward the complaint to Miami county where his file is. We still had to wait for a supervising staff to come from the facility to the station to transport Joseph.
I felt a fool in the police station telling the officer that Joseph really is a good kid just with problems as she looked at me with the sad, pathetic look. I hate being this person. I fear I will one day be a parent on tv saying, he was such a good kid. I don't know at this point how Joseph will ever be a part of society. I have no idea what set him off or why he does what he does. I sometime just want to scream at him and tell him if you'd just knock this crap off life would be so much easier for you. I wish it was that simple, but right now I don't know what the answers are. I will just put this day away and keep praying this comes to an end someday.

Ten steps forward.... Fifty back....

It has been quite awhile since I have posted and much has happened. Joseph did really well with his family visiting and we were even able to enjoy his 11th birthday party but life certainly fell apart when everyone left. The week after everyone went home Joseph had some of his most violent outbursts to date. I am frustrated that his counselor didn't work with him more to prepare him to cope with this adjustment. Joseph seems incapable at this point to deal with any of life's problems in an appropriate manner, lashing out violently only to end up crying and depressed about the real problem he cant deal with. We are working very hard as a family and agency to have him get a new counselor who will be more effective for him.

We had also begun taking Joseph off the ablily in hopes to minimize the amount of medications he has to take. That did not work out so well. Joseph takes 7.5mg twice a day and with just the little adjustment to 5mg in the morning and 7.5mg at night Joseph started having hallucinations again. I fear he will never walk through life without the daily effects of psychosis unless he stays on his medications. To hear the fear in his voice when he talked of the shadows chasing him in the hallways and the vivid scenes that played out during the night where terrifying for me let alone a 11 year old boy. I can only imagine what its like to live day in and out without knowing what is reality. I made sure at the first discussion of Joseph having psychotic hallucinations we moved to put him back on his regular dosage of abilify, since than he has not expressed the daily onslaught of hallucinations but I see him at times still weary of his surroundings.

My husband and I have also had to leave our home behind us and move in with my father in law. Josephs medical bills are burying us and we took a hit when the child support order for Joseph came out to be $500 a month. We cannot afford our home and the cost of Josephs treatment and stay afloat. Hopefully with this change we will be able to save money and start chipping away at the debt we owe to the hospitals.

Josephs placement has been extended for at least another 6 months. I feel as though we have hit a hard stop again. Joseph has made little improvement in effectively being able to deal with daily life events. I worry that his life up until 18 will be institutions. Don't get me wrong I certainly have not given up hope in my son I however see this continuing to be a struggle for years to come. I pray that those helping him in this journey continue to fight for this young man who has the potential to be great. I hope that he will reach a point in maturity that someday some of his conduct issues will resolve because he will realize how much easier and more amazing life can be if you don't make it a constant battle. I hope all of you continue to pray and support us in this journey. Once life has settled I will make a better effort to update more frequently. Thank you for your support.

A brief update

Joseph has been showing improvements with new changes to his treatment plan since the neuropsych evaluation. It was reported today that Joseph has had only 8 restraints in the last month which is down from 25! With this information I was able to have Joseph's psychiatrist agree to start tapering off his Ablify. I am praying that we can continue to get Joseph on the least amount of medications possible. His visits with the family from Arizona have also gone very well. I am concerned of how he will do when they leave but we will cross that bridge when we come to it I guess. Joseph is making small gains still but it is still expected he will remain at the facility for up to another year. I will take all the small steps we are making and just hope they continue.